There are many things that I miss...

Of all the things in my life that I miss, I think the biggest thing would be knowing who I am.  When I was 19 my views, orientation, beliefs and dreams were the clearest they've ever been.  I'm not 19 anymore.  For the past two years I have put my feelings on hold, and honestly tried not to think of them.  But they never went away.  I was able to escape into my music and really just disengage from these questions that are sitting heavily on my heart.

The worst part, is that I have absolutely no one to talk to about this.  I thought I did.  But I guess I'm afraid. Afraid of my friends looking at me differently, afraid of being on the outside again, afraid of causing a crisis of faith.  Afraid that I will really and truthfully be alone.  Theres a loneliness within me that dissipates when I lose myself in music.  When I immerse myself in it.  Like I'm doing now.

I've been listening to a lot of Wye Oak this week, but currently J. Tillman is playing and he fits the way I feel at the moment.  When I Light Your Darkened Door is a beautiful song, and his other song Firstborn really can get to me too.  But Earthly Bodies is really capturing the state of me right now.

Hopefully the next post will be a little more uplifting, but for now this is all I've got.

-kb